Finally trying to finish Finding Your Own North Star because it’s due at the library, and I can’t renew it again and I know I should just buy my own copy, but as you know, I’m too cheap for that. So, after 2 days of on-an-off speed reading, I finally finished it. I think the biggest takeaway right now was the discussion of the change cycle, specifically the first step (or Square One), which is “death and rebirth.” There are three ways one can get to this spot: 1) shock, 2) opportunity and 3) self-imposed transition. Right now, I’m clearly in the #3 category, having self-imposed my unemployment and SAHM status. I know I’m beating a dead horse here, but I still feel like I’m floundering around with no firm plans; I’m second-guessing my decision; I’m tired of people not understanding how I feel.

Martha says that “transition events are even more likely to cause social disruption – and intense self-doubt – than opportunities. When you change your whole life because of inner yearning, frustration or excitement, there’s no external force or prize to help other people accept your behavior…. You’ll be more fraught with indecision than people who receive shocks or opportunities. The fear of failure will be tremendous. There may also be shame, as you let go of your old status, income, or position in exchange for nothing but inner peace…. Welcome to the middle of nowhere. Since you’ve lost your old identity but haven’t really embraced a new one, you’re temporarily a kind of nobody. As old relationships and behaviors change, you’ll have no one to cling to, and nothing to do. Nobody nowhere with no one and nothing. Doesn’t that sound fun!”

So, here I sit, nobody in nowhere-land. And it’s not fun. But, reading this passage did reinforce once again that I’M NOT CRAZY. Just transitioning.