I’ve always held a firm belief that I would make a terrible stay-at-home-mom. I haven’t the patience, creativity or energy for it. This has been confirmed now that I have spent two whole weeks as a SAHM. I now know why trapped animals chew their legs off.

I don’t know if it’s a function of my suddenly being home all day, but for some reason, my son wants me to be within a 2 feet radius of him at all times. It’s driving me crazy – I’m not his playmate, I’m his screaming, psychotic mother who can fly into a shrieking rage at any time. If I were him, I’d want to be at least 50 feet away at all times. I’m speculating that he’s performing some sort of behavioral experiment – observing me to see how long it takes for me to go over the edge. Right now, he’s actually watching TV while I’m writing this, and he seems OK with that. Maybe we’ve turned a corner, or maybe he’s just watching me out of the corner of his eye.

Let’s talk about that shrieking rage, shall we? I’m flying off the handle with random abandon. Some infractions deserve shrieking, like not flushing. COME ON PEOPLE, WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN? And “I forgot” is not an excuse. Are you telling me that zipping your fly is so all-consuming that you can’t remember to push the handle post-zip? Yes, it’s Miles that is the major violator. BC is smart enough to know that EXTRA LOUD SHRIEKING will occur should I discover a non-flush incident. I don’t even care about the seat up or down – that’s a battle not worth fighting, but flushing? Are you fucking kidding me? So while I’m on the subject, I’ll just rant a bit about public restrooms and how little flushing seems seems to occur. OK, I know a lot of toilets have the auto-flush feature, but IT ONLY WORKS ABOUT HALF THE TIME WHICH IS WHY THERE IS A BUTTON YOU CAN PUSH TO MAKE THE TOILET FLUSH. Are people so oblivious, or apathetic, or just stupid that they can’t flush a freaking toilet???

Phew, glad I got that out of my system.