In the almost 4 days so far that I’ve been unemployed, I spent the first 2 mostly sleeping. It’s amazing what a few good naps can do to remedy many months of insomnia. Yesterday, I decided to take a break from sorting stuff for a garage sale (yes, I’m selling my personal belongings for money), and scheduled Rotor-Scam to clean the roots from hell out of the basement drain, and the toothpaste sludge out of the bathroom sink.

In the process of doing some testing (at no charge) to see why our water pressure is insanely low in a different bathroom sink, the guy must have dislodged some gunk which proceeded to stop the flow of water completely. This is after he said he would put new valves on the intake lines, and charge me $99 “only if the pressure increases.” Well, duh, of course it’s going to increase, moron, you think I was born yesterday? I give him the line about having to check with hubby – I don’t want this guy taking stuff apart and then $500 later I finally have an operational sink. As luck would have it, the testing boogered it up, and he ended up replacing the valves at no charge.

What is the point of this story? Well, for one, to assure you that I’m not sleeping 24/7. Second, and a more important corollary as you will see below, is that I discovered that Nickelodeon actually shows something other than SpongeBob and Penguins of Madagascar. Apparently, they run iCarly ALL DAY LONG, which we discovered during the 2 hours we spent watching the plumbers break the sink and fixing it again. I was actually irritated at one point when the plumber guy wanted me to inspect the sink, and I’m thinking, “dammit, I’m going to miss what happens on iCarly.” I come back and ask BC where Carly, Sam and Freddy got the trampoline, but he’s face down in a Nick-induced coma (or maybe it’s sugar coma from the box of gummy worms). Thanks, buddy, now I’ll never know.

Later, Miles comes home and says, I see you guys are being productive. Honestly, we weren’t even watching TV. We were watching Annoying Orange on YouTube. So you see, I have a lot on my plate – good thing work isn’t taking up my time. WAIT A MINUTE!!! I used to spend all day at work watching Annoying Orange, and getting paid for it. What have I done??? AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

So, finally, I leave you with this scintillating conversation from yesterday – wow, it WAS a full day, wasn’t it?

A conversation with my 7-year-old son:

BC: Mom, I think I have two hearts.
ME (slightly distracted by making BBQ sauce): Why do you say that?
BC: Because I can feel my heart beating here (points to left side of chest), but my heart actually is here, in the middle (points to sternum).
ME: Your heart is actually located on the left side, not in the middle. You only have one heart, and it’s on the left.
BC: But on SpongeBob, when they showed his insides, his heart is in the middle.
ME: Well he’s a sponge, not a human.

OK, as soon as those words came out, I had one of those “Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this out loud.” Did we really just have a conversation about a fictional sponge’s anatomy?

The conversation continues:
BC: If you saw somebody’s insides, that would be really gross.
ME: Yes it would.
BC: They would be a burger butt. [I’m not really sure whether it was burger butt, biscuit head or some other food/body part combo, or what that really had to do with anything.]
ME: Where did you hear that? Captain Underpants?
BC: Nope.
ME: SpongeBob?
BC: No, I’ll give you a hint – it’s on Nick.
ME: Madagascar?
BC: No, it begins with an i.
ME: iCarly.
BC: Yep.

Thanks, Nick. We love ya, man.