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I am suffocating in a cloud of impending doom. I have to drive 1.5 hours to a stupid 1 hour meeting with a bunch of whiny, self-important people to discuss things I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT. Oh, but my corporate mind says, you have a company car with company-paid gas, so why do you care? Why do I care? Because the hours I spend on the road and in this STUPID MEETING are hours I can never get back again. They’re gone. Forever.

What do I really feel like doing today? For some weird reason I have this burning desire to go to JoAnn Fabrics, and just wander around all the pretty bolts of material and smell the new fabric smell, and look at pattern books. I don’t even have a working sewing machine right now, so where did THAT come from??

I remember… when I was in high school and out for the summer, I spent a ton of time sewing. I loved the sound of the machine and the hiss of the iron, and the fact that I could make a nearly invisible hem. In fact, in my third year of 4H I made a top that had a striped pattern that had to be matched at the shoulder seam, and that turned out just OK. But, at the judging, the judge couldn’t believe the quality of my hem, and I actually think she didn’t believe me that I had done it myself. But I had, and boy was I proud. I never really liked 4H much; I think it was too structured. But I loved picking out patterns and fabric on my own, and just working at my own speed, kind of potsing along with no deadlines or obligations, or even a good reason to be sewing clothes in the first place. We didn’t have air conditioning so the windows were always open and the dining room where I did all of the sewing had lots of windows and a screen door going to the back porch. For some reason, the morning air had a distinct smell and feel to it, and sometimes even now when the sun wakes me up and I feel that first touch of breeze from the open window, I am brought back to that dining room on a sunny day. I usually listened to the radio while I worked, and now, whenever I hear the song “Our House” by Madness (which played a lot back then), I am reminded of those almost dreamy days surrounded by thread, fabric, fresh air and freedom.

Wow, that was quite a tangent. I seriously think I’m losing my fucking mind.

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